I decided I would escape the ho-humness of my life one weekend, so I went out to the gay bar with my little brother. ( he is 24 ) Which is a normal evening in my family. Thats beside the point. Now, mind you, this isnt the big rockin chest baring, hot-guy gyrating, under pant wearing kind of shin dig. It was a kicker bar. Yes, you heard me. Men in Wranglers. And hats. Big Hats. Two-stepping together. We thought it would be a kick.(no pun intended.) So we belly up to the bar, and order a round of beers. And it is nice. And another round. maybe, quite possibly, one more. So I am hanging out, nursing a Miller Lite when I turn around and see a six foot four "lady" standing next to me. She says "Can I buy you a shot?" And of course I don't normally hear this when I go out with my little bro, so I say, "Thought You would never ask!" She proceeds to buy us all a round of shots. Cowbells. Anyone know what this is?
Sidebar: Take a frozen beer mug. Fill three quarters of it with beer. Fill a shot glass with Jager and drop into mug. Chug the entire glass then shake the empty mug around till it sounds like a cowbell. hence the term.......
By the time I get the full view, this lady is dressed to the nines in a beautiful satin COCKtail dress, shiny hose, black pumps and luxurious long black hair. And she is black. Very big and tall and very very black. She tells me her name is Sabrina. She towers over me and licks her shiny lips and says, "Another shot?" And of course, who could turn down a free cowbell? So we have another. All is good. I finally have to take a trip to the lady's room, and there I find Sabrina, having trouble with the zipper of her dress. (why she unzipped it I will never know, nor ask....) As I help her zip it back up, she says,
Sabrina: " I bought this for our engagement party."
Me: Whose engagement party?
Sabrina: Mine and Jeffs
Me: Oh! When is it?
Sabrina: Tonite Silly!
Me: OHHH MY!!!! I didn't realize! Where is he?
Sabrina: With me. At the bar. All nite????
Okay. Maybe its just me. But I would have never seen this coming. Sabrina is the biggest tallest blackest sexiest lady I ever met. So I follow her back to the bar where she proceeds to tell me her boobs hurt. I am like WHAT? But they look so nice. She says girl, they were $4.99! I go ahead and cup one, and it feels normal. Until she pulls it out and lays it in my hand. OHHHHH. So she introduces me to Jeff. Jeff. Jeff is like 4'8, whiter than your gramma's panties and bucktoothed as Buckwheat in a barfight. He was wearing the tighest wranglers over his little nicole richie thighs and a cowboy hat that would have shaded half of Asia. What the hell? JEFF??? THIS is your JEFF? Did you own Shrinky Dinks as a child and never got over it? Am I on the planet Earth?
So finally Sabrina just pulls off her wig and says, "Yeah, so my name is Chris." Okay, well I figured that much out. But who in the world would have put these two together? I am just in such shock and awe I have no other choice but to drink 3 1/2 more Cowbells and another Miller Lite. This was just the funniest, oddest thing I ever saw. Sabrina + Jeff 4E
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